Many moons ago, as a paramedic, my primary objective was to solve problems. I've been retired for quite a while; alas, problems still exist. Fortunately, with so much free time on my hands, I've come up with a solution to one... it's a serious problem facing all of us in 2021.
The Simpsons
Recently, cast member Hank Azaria profusely apologized for voicing Apu, the Indian convenience store operator. But his dilemma illustrates a much bigger problem...
The Simpsons is flagrantly racist!
We know this because the kids who grew up with the show are now telling us so. And it's homophobic, too. Homer is white... well, yellow, but that's just a technicality; so is his family, along with Mr. Burns, Flanders, Moe, Chief Wiggum, Principal Skinner, Mayor Quimby, and a host of others... and all of them are "sis-gendered" characters in traditional relationships.
So... in my role as a problem solver, I suggest the following...
Homer outs himself and moves in with Smithers. Dr. Hibbert... no longer voiced by a white actor, leaves his wife and shacks-up with Marge... Bart and Lisa are elated because they finally feel free to swap genders and pronouns. Mr. Burns converts the nuclear plant to solar and wind. Flanders renounces Christianity and converts to Islam. Moe hangs a rainbow banner and begins catering to a different clientele. Principal Skinner mandates Critical Race Theory be added to the curriculum, and Mayor Quimby concedes the election to Carl Carlson.
But there remains the problem of Apu.
The solution is simple... members of BLM and Antifa descend on Springfield after Chief Wiggum passes over Sergeant Lou and instead promotes officer Eddy. The mob of mostly peaceful protesters proceeds to riot; they loot the Qwik-E-Mart and burn it to the ground, causing Apu and the rest of the Nahasapeemapetilons to flee back to India. In the process, Hank Azaria is relieved of his unbearable shame for having voiced the character the past 32 years!
Finally... there's Krusty the Clown; he's a Jew. So, to avoid any possibility of an anti-Palestinian controversy, Sir Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofsky has to go, too. Fortunately, the perfect replacement clown stands ready to join the cast.
Which, of course, assumes a single word of the script could ever be memorized by Joe Biden.
